Wednesday, June 27, 2007

"rise up this mornin'... smiled with the risin' sun... three little birds pitch by my doorstep...singin' a sweet song" -bob marley

i'm listening to sarah mclachlan sing her version of the beatles "blackbird". it's lovely. a great lullaby. a great song to add to my j-girl's birth cd. i was supposed to get it in the mail and on it's way across alot of states to her on monday. i'm late. but i'm all cuddled up to each of the songs and it will be on it's way shortly. tomorrow-shortly. i found the cd i made for her when her noah boy was soon to make his arrival. two plus years ago. i've pulled alot of those songs and added a bunch of new ones to the mix. it's delish. music to birth babes by. i was meticulous in picking my songs for lucas's birth. it took me months. adding and deleting songs until it was perfect, according to my crazy-nesting-mama-bird-self. i made extra copies of and was sure that everyone that would be attending my birth knew exactly where to find it on my computer if by some chance a cd went missing... only to go on a crazy-nesting-mama-bird hunt for a certain bob marley greatest hits album just days before luc made his actual debut.
birth. what a word. my life has been encircled by five incredible "birthing" women the past few weeks. five incredible momma birds that i can't get out of my mind.
miss j called a few weeks back looking for someone to share the sweet passion and empowerment she had felt after attending birth class. i felt my heart tug as we talked about what an overwhelming responsibilty we have to safely get our babes into the world. and in a few moments of excitedly talking of midwives and birth tubs and her soon-to-be-lucky-baby we validated eachothers not so crazy momma bird thoughts. i will wait patiently to hear of his arrival. his story. and love her for believing that her babe will be born exactly the way that he needs to be.
my sweet amanda. so excited to share the news of a very much anticipated and long awaited for... positive pregnancy test. she shared her sweet words and thoughts at seeing the itty-bitty dot of truth on the ultrasound screen to validate all of us girls' shared excitement. days later we learned that her six week old little bean had changed it's mind. my heart broke for her as she had to go through all the harsh motions of losing something so tiny... yet she already loved so much. her momma strength to continue to take care of her other boys and keep on keepin' on despite her broken heart amazed me. she's amazed me before... such a tough cookie. she's been known to birth a certain 10 pound cooper-dude without an epidural! and i know that another sweet baby spirit will fill her safe momma belly so very soon.
my own momma is a midwife. she leaves in the middle of the night and sometimes comes home days later. she listens to heart beats, measures bellies, holds hands, and just plain listens to her "ladies". i've always admired that she's found her true passion and is so good at what she does. i was so thankful to have her so close to my own heart/life/belly when i was pregnant with lucas. i knew very early on that i was capable of birthing my babe. the empowerment she instilled in me and my sweet andrey saved my life when our homebirth went a bit (a big bit) off track. it's healed my heartache at the fact that things didn't go as "planned." and that i'm not sure how they'll go the next time around.
i went to a prenatal with her a few weeks ago and met sweet sarah. sweet beautiful sarah. belly full of baby. her home was so dreamy. everything i could ever wish for. her baby was on it's way. i listened to my mom tell her anxious mama bird heart "any day now." i watched at home as my mom gathered up her supplies, went to bed early so she'd be well rested, checked on sarah daily, and prepared her spirit to help guide miss sarah through her babes birth story. i woke up a few days back and the house was still and quiet and mom's car was gone. i sent every bit of birth energy i had out into the world and hoped it made its way to sarah's pretty little birth space. desmond grey was born that morning. every perfect tiny inch of her.
jen at beebee mod sent out a call of love a few weeks back. she introduced me to miss kate. kate. my eyes filling with water as i type her name. this incredible-solid-woman-peace comes out of each letter of her name. k-a-t-e. i stayed up all night reading her words. all the way back from before she had her evan. i read her story all the way through to liam and ben. jen asked us crafty ladies to put together some handmade goods to send off to kate and family to lift their spirits and haul them through their journey. i couldn't stop thinking about her for days. i got right to work sewing up some little toy bags to send her boys. matching polka dots. sewed their letters on the front. E for Evan. B for Ben. L for Liam. i had put lucas to bed and took a quick breather from sewing the bags to come upstairs and do my blog reading. i clicked over to sweet/salty to check on kate and read the words. he was gone. little liam. oh little liam. her words so powerful. i tip-toed back downstairs and thought of her sweet boy, tears streaming down my face as i carefully sewed the L on his bag. my heart aching for this woman i'd never met. this boy i feel like i know so well. her latest post about being a birth warrior. sums up everything. "The words have a new shape now, rounded up to this. Birth: to see them safe. Warrior: to match them in bravery." she has amazed me and healed me with her words. i feel like i have no words to offer her heart. yet i can't seem to read enough of her healing words. i will take little liam with me everywhere.

five incredible women that have encircled me, this month of june. five incredible momma birds that i can't get out of my mind.
what a calling us women have been given.

a photographer went with my momma to miss sarah's birth. i wanted to share the slideshow with you, my loves...because it is so beautiful. the post for june 23rd has a link to the photos. enjoy them.

tell me your birth stories.

yesterday a little brown box arrived on my doorstep from the land of j-girl. filled with yummy treats and packed up in the prettiest little boxes i've ever laid my eyes on. my heart was so happy to be on the receiving end of something so lovely.
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i wish you all something just a special in your mailboxes today. from someone who loves you. from one of your kite strings. and if it doesn't... i'm sending out "comment treats" to everyone who comments on this post before i post again so you'll know that i was thinking of you. comment away!
love, lin
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

"...until i get to rock and roll heaven's gate" -amy ray and emily saliers

whoa. the stars were in line for amy and i on tuesday. yes. we're crazy. we fly to other states to catch a show. don't you wish you were just as crazy, though?!! we've been planning this thing for months. well actually since last summer when we pulled out of the parking lot of the seattle show. we are true blue through and through indigo girls fans. let me just tell you that again. we love amy and emily. i've been dying to tell every little detail to someone and andrey just says, "did you see your chicks?" amy is the only one who would really care to hear...and she was with me. so we keep calling eachother today saying,"did that really happen?" "is it really over?" it was a perfect day. treasures at the golden braid bookstore. the grateful deads' "ripple" played over the speakers during lunch at the rusted sun. traffic was smooth sailin'... we switched out our cd's all day to study up on our i.g. lyrics. the sun was hot and when we saw the line at the gate of red butte garden...we felt the hot heat and the shame in the fact that a true fan would have been there first thing that that morning to get in line. lesson learned. i'll bring a tent next time and we sleep over the night before.
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oh the shame! we tried to soothe our pain by saying, "our seats could be worse." we laid out our blanket a bit disappointed. ate our dinner and scoped out the scene.
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this just wouldn't do for us. the zebra scrunchie in front of us blocked my view and the annoying girl behind us was going to be talking about her sangria and boyfriends during the whole show, i was sure of it. we left our blanket to save our spot in case we couldn't find a new home. grabbed our cameras and snaked our way up to the front row. read me right. the front row. ah! the front row!! should i say that again too? ok. THE FRONT ROW!
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brandi carlile was the opener. cutest little thing. what a voice coming out of her plaid shirt, loafer wearing self. i knew she was going to be good... but i'm in love after that. she sang a little johnny cash and the party had begun. then guess who joined her for "cannonball" ??? yup. amy ray and emily. my amy got a bit shaky* and oh so dreamy eyed. there they were. right in front of us. we could've touched em. strummed their guitars for em if we were brave enough. the "girl in the cowboy hat" was. even brave enough to leave amy ray a love letter.
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we saw amy's scuffed up dr. martens. and emily's guitar pick necklace. emily sang her sweet heart out and amy was all giggly and dancin' around.
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the crowd at an indigo girls concert is all part of the experience. we've been to three of their shows together now and this was by far the real thing. "love thy fellow indigo girl goer." we squeezed right in and sang and danced our little hearts out.
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the sun started to go down and emily started strummin' "last tears." coolest moment ever. amy yelled out, "i love you amy ray!" and i'm pretty sure we heard her yell back, "i love you, too!"
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i left with two new song favorites. "hope alone" and amy ray's "let it ring" i love how they can sing the words that i'm not quite sure how to say. is it really over already? i've been stalking the setlist over the internet, so when they started in on "galileo" i knew they were closing up shop. lights out. shows over. head on home. concert high...woke up to a concert hangover. i love it. it couldn't have been better. i could've used me some "chickenman" but i'm not complaining. maybe next year? next year we're going to the tour opener. wherever that may be.
my summer of concerts has begun. i may not fit into the summery-twirly concert dress that i imagined...but i will be filling my summer with live music. time to switch out the cd case for some willie nelson goods. better go get myself a bandana. good night loves.
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Sunday, June 17, 2007

"i'm gonna watch you shine, gonna watch you grow, gonna paint a sign so you'll allways know..." -paul simon

lucky the child who can climb into that lap of safety and know, always, the confidence born of a father's love.
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hands- dad and the girls (lin, nat, steen and jade)-2001

lucas jude at 5 months old and his daddy -2006
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their journey led them to love...which led to marriage...which led to parenthood...which led her to wonder if one lifetime was long enough to share with this man she loved to love. it's not.

i am so blessed to have such strong/gentle men in my life. a grandpa who showed me what true love really was, a father who has loved me however i decided to turn out, a brother with a pure love for our entire family and a husband that has amazed me with his simple ability to be everything i could have dreamed for the father of my child. i am a lucky girl. happy father's day, loves.

the "father involved family" is a fragile cultural achievment and cannot be taken for granted.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

"it's a daily grind, waiting to unwind" -indigo girls (probably emily*)

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lucas and A*love are tucked safely into bed. i snuck back up the stairs to do my unwinding. this very quickly could have turned into a post about how nutty my day was but i sat down here to do my homework. my five gratefuls. i've been thinking about them all week and decided that i was just thinking too much. the rules had to be much simpler. so here's the first five that come to mind. without order. without any expectations...

five things i'm grateful for/in love with:
one: my red plaid flannel blanket. true love.
two: movies with subtitles
three: feta cheese
four: when luc hums a tune while nursing
five: roadtrips that require a map

oh so many more where those came from. what are yours? my heart buckets get so full just thinking of things. i could go on for ages.
i have so many lovely things to look forward to the next few days. steen and i are taking my dad bowling tomorrow for our date. father's day on sunday to celebrate my favorite dad's (my own and luc's), a pedicure on monday, amy's jet plane flies in on monday night and an outdoor indigo girls concert on tuesday...oh how i love summer nights. man, does it get any better?
goodnight loves, lin
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Wednesday, June 6, 2007

"they found themselves just floating free, from all responsibility...without the weight of being whole, some fruits evolved all on their own" -mirah

i'm having creators block. it's come on in full force. i'm so dang sleepy - i can barely move my legs and it feels like june just showed up out of nowhere. i'm not exactly sure if may was ever here, it happened so fast. drained. all the creative juice i'm made of has drained right through the tips of my toes while i was in my sleepy daze. i've tried alot of my old tricks to find my missing piece. (p.s. i'm not really sure what it is i'm supposed to be creating in the first place? but the lack of inspiration is killing me!)i bought some new music. both feist cd's. and the new jeff buckley compilation. i bought a new pattern book. i've browsed the little fabric shop uptown. i've cruised barnes and noble for a good book. i've taken a long drive. i've twirled around outside. i've eaten yummy-tasty food. i've kissed my andrey good. yet i'm still just yawning through the days. i've sat in front of this computer nightly and stared blankly at this blogger screen. nothing. it's reminding of the last time that this happened to me large enough for me to remember. i was living in seattle with G-love. the rainy somber days would have had any other normal artist locked to the art table. i was not. my trash can was full of half creations. my creative block hit rock bottom when even the *SALE* signs i'd color on the white board at 24 hour fitness were blah. G tried to save me. i came home from work one day and she'd set up a little cove for me in our one bedroom apartment. she put up my art table that had been stowed away due to my lack ability. gathered up every piece of art supplies she could find in our box of a house and hung inspiring posters on the wall. she sat me down determined to help me find the "missing synapse in my brain" that's what we called it. we bought sombreros and did a "karma" dance in our living room to good music. and i'm pretty sure it helped because since then, this is the first time i've felt this frustrated-empty.
in the mean time...i've been writing lists. lists of things i want to buy. things i want to do. things i need help with. ideas i have but don't know where to begin. things i want to make when i feel able again. here is my list. in no particular order:

*i want to know how to make these rings i found in the sundance catalog or atleast know someone that does
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*i want to breathe in some seattle rain
*i want lukey to have these shoes
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*i want 48 fresh primsacolor markers
*i want a button maker
*i want a long drive with 25 new itunes songs i've never heard before
(dear allyson- i'm pretty sure that you need to just send me your ipod because i'm in love with the 5 songs you shared with me and i'm ready for more.)
*i want to know what to do with these?
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*i want people to know that
"war is not healthy for children and other living things"
*i want a room with walls to paint on
*i want one lucas free hour to sit and eat cheesecake
with ash and really learn of her
*i want bumper stickers for this since i accidently threw away the tail-lights and license plate it was supposed to have
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*i want 3/4 a yard of this long lost fabric:
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so i can make this:
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*i want to know how to quilt this? i've never quilted before. machine or hand and i don't know where to begin. it's just sitting there. with all of it's pieces. waiting.
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*i want a magic way to lose these last baby belly pounds
*i want to know where joey v. is
*i want to teach birth classes
*i want to go to a "sale yard" with amy and reno and find an arm chair
*i want someone to show me how to re-upholster an arm chair
*i want to dance with andrey
*i want inspiration. period.

can you help me check any of these off my list? please?! anybody out there?
a reward will be issued to anyone with information on the whereabouts of my creativity. you know where to find me.