Monday, August 20, 2007

"lovliness and tenderness and happiness and openness and togetherness and hopefulness and happiness, yeah yeah" -michael franti

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there is a small corner in this big house. my momma's office. it's the safest place on the planet. dim amber colored light... perfect for dreaming up lovely schemes. a beautiful swirly rug. the biggest squishiest striped arm chair with a place to pull your feet up tight. a bookself full of delicious books. the simple smell of sage, lavender and the hint of incense that was burned earlier. it's my favorite place in the world. my momma will poke her head in every once in awhile to check on you... sometimes curl up on the floor and join us girls for long talks and good music. a place to dance. or cry your eyes out if you need too. it's safe here. we have always had the freedom in her care to be whomever we want. to turn out just the way our own story decides. that is very clear in this room. does everyone have a place like this? where is yours? close your eyes... what does it smell like? what can you hear? who is there? what does it look like? can you taste it? i'm such a lucky girl to have this space. to be going to bed cuddled tight tonight and sleep a safe nights sleep. to know that i will wake up tomorrow and probably do this day or one just like it all over again.

i think that we mother's all have pretty much the same wishes for our babes. that we will have a safe place for them to grown into themselves. that we will be able to protect them from all things scary and dangerous. that they will be happy and live childhoods full of adventure and wonder... and grow into wise "grown-up" babies of ours and have sweet babes of their own. don't we all? don't you think every momma... everywhere... thinks those same thoughts?

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"i join with my sisters in every land
in the pax materna-
a permanent declaration of peace
that transcends our ideological differences.
in the nuclear shadow, war is obsolete.
i will no longer suffer it in silence
nor sustain it by complicity.
they shall not send my son
to fight another mother's son.

for now, forever, there is no mother
who is enemy to another mother."

i feel like i need to do something. and while i may be a bit naive when it comes to everything that we as a nation have got ourselves into... i do know for sure that i have been entrusted the care of this sweet boy of mine. i will be ordering peace packets from let me know if you feel like doing something too and i'll send one your way.
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Thursday, August 9, 2007

"but it's all the same. same old song, it's the same old thing. cuz it waits waits on you." -joshua james

cd's i need:
two gallants -steady rollin'
joshua james -the sun is always brighter
jose gonzalez -veneer
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this is how i feel. like i'm trying to roll/run 90 miles per hour with too little shoes. my momma mobile got a flat. a much needed flat. (did i just say that?!!) we i needed to slow things down a bit. it's not like i've got that much going on, really. just that i seem to be in such a hurry to get it all done. i sleep fast, eat fast, pee past. i hurry lucas to nurse. i push us out the door so quickly (grab the purse, the shoes, the hats, the bags of errands.) the flat... it slowed me down good. with the spare still on today... we got up slowly. got dressed slowly. and with no hurry to get things that i couldn't get done with a spare tire on ... i decided to go at luc's pace. which is much slower than i realized since i'm always in such a panic to fit his wild carefree wandering into my hurried life. he was in deep thought today.
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i'm not sure what exactly was on his mind... but it was important. the perfect time for me to step back and let him have his space and do his thing.
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he had books to be read. bushes to look under. rocks to collect. slides to climb. popcicles to be eaten. dancing to be done. naps to be taken. it was such a sweet day... maybe we'll leave the gimp tire on through the weekend.
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he's slowly weaning himself. (very slowly) which makes for new creative ways to put my boy to sleep. but with each nap that he drifts off on his own... i feel the dull ache of "fullness" and the pull at my heartstrings.
no matter how much i thought i was ready for this...
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i studied his chubby hands as he ate tonight. his sweet lips sucking away. it was the prettiest little picture i'd ever seen. i took a snapshot in my brain and tucked it away deep. my babe.

a*love and i have decided we'll be packing up the brood and movin' ourselves back to washington. it's just worked out that way and it feels good and exciting. i got an email from rox.ana last week. i'd told of our decision and her thoughts on the subject had me thinking and thinking in great-lucas-deep-thought fashion. eyebrows furled. pros-cons-list-making thinking. tri-town is a creative killer. "you need to be in a place that is constantly flowing creative juices," she said. this i know. kennewick is as blah as blah gets. i have big dreams of a seaside seattle porch. planting our roots deep in the salty soil. our plan is to get there in a few years. this tri-cities move is supposed to be temporary. i told her how i envied her adventurous life. no dream stifling going on there. and i got to thinking about why not taking the adventure now? why this holding time to weigh things out? why?... well because i'm a wuss. that's why. because tri-town is familiar and safe. just like i do everything in my life. i take no giant leaps.
this has had me thinking. alot.
the same playlist plays over and over as i ponder. in the car. on the computer. the ipod. same songs. the mix i just sent out to a.h. and someday years from now... i'll hear jose gonzalez sing "ten days of perfect tunes" and i'll remember this pondering time. before we packed our boxes up. lucas still a little nursling. our slowed down day to think things over together. and i'll miss this contemplation time and smile about where we've ended up...
on a porch swing watching a northwest sunset and still dreaming big.
goodnight loves, lin

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a sweet treat showed up in our mailbox yesterday from jen over at beebee mod! her new suburbia onesie design. love. love. love it. so did lucas. when i opened the package he said, "ohhhhh cu-utte!" and cute it is. she is such a sweet/talented/lovely momma chick. her blog inspires my creative guts and the way she balances her babes and her beebee mod store amaze me. her shop re-opens in a few weeks and will be stocked up with some lovely new goods and i hope that you'll all support the handmade etsy adventure she's on.

Monday, August 6, 2007

"baby don't be blue, gonna make for you... gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle" -quincy coleman

"baby don't you cry, gonna make a pie, gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle. baby don't be blue, gonna make for you, gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle. gonna make a pie from heaven above, gonna be filled with strawberry love. baby don't you cry, gonna make a pie, and hold you forever in the middle of my heart. "

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lucas is in rare form today. he's cuddley and quiet. moving so very sloooow. oh yeah and warm. yes... he's caught some kind of a bug and has gone very quickly from my wild-thing-can't-hold-still-big-monkey-boy to this need-my-mommy-and-my-blankie-baby. my wee baby has a belly ache and i'm sure a big fat headache but can only wiggle around in my arms and wimper. and i'm not really able to tell him what exactly is going on.
i tucked the boys in last night and set myself up upstairs. my favorite pack of watercolors. fresh paper. playlists of songs. cup of iced lemonade. i was feeling the creative juice bubbling over. my knees tucked up to my chin... pajama pants and bare feets. so very much in my element... "llllliiiiiiiiindsaaaaaaaaaaay! come quick!!" i ran.
thus began my night. i was the momma. the one in charge. he needed me. what?! what do i do? i set us up on the couch the way my mom used to set us up when we got sick. lay down a sheet. stack up some clean towels. mixed up some emergen-c and put in a movie. then texted my mom to come downstairs. the momma needed her momma. between several changes of clothes (mine and his) and a couple times through the robots movie he fell quietly back to sleep. i scooped him in my arms and carried back down to bed sometime during the wee hours.
he's taken 3 naps today. yes. he is in rare form.

we had a great weekend. my silly mom and me trekked down to the gallivan center for the free peter, bjorn and john concert. nat and pres had saved us a spot right in the middle. my mom is great. it was awesome people watching. saw some real creatures! great concert. i was really only sure of one of their songs... but they were so dang cute that i'll probably plop down and buy the real cd. not just download some goodies. i'll make the whole purchase. =)
andrey and i went on a date. a real date. like i got ready all day kind of date. curled up my hair kind of date. we held hands and i'm sure i did some girlie-giggling. we missed lucas. first real date without him... and we were ready to come home. crazy crazy folks.
i finally made it to "the waitress" this weekend. my auntie, my gram, and my momma all took a girl trip to a late movie. it's been a long time since i actually enjoyed an entire movie. the cast. the soundtrack. the story. every piece. i can't you tell how much i loved it. it's not playing in many theatres but go track it down and give it a shot. lovely. lovely.

it's quiet and peaceful around here today. i took a bath and got back into my pajamas. i think i'll finish up last nights painting and then go cuddle up with my feverish little sonny-boy and watch "botsssssss", again. happy monday. love, lin

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

"grain for grain, sun and rain... i'll find my way in nature's chain. tune my body and my brain to the music of the land" -peter, paul and mary

these almost finished pieces of lucas's rocket quilt have been wadded up on the sewing table downstairs taunting me. for some reason i was frozen at batted and quilted. the edging... scared me to death. i'm not sure why? i think i was afraid i'd ruin something that so far, looked pretty darn good. there it sat. laughing. i'd run out of projects. all things checked off my list... do i dare???! i dared. it's finished. first quilty-lovey ever made by me. and i am soooo-oh-so-very proud of myself.
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happy august loves. comment treats go out tomorrow. finally. love, lin